“It’s like an inner critic on steroids – constantly berating yourself, undermining yourself, causing you to question your own judgment, memories or perceptions,” explains trauma expert Dr Lisa Turner. According to Dr Turner, the inner gaslighter will convince you that the absolute worst-case outcome is not only possible, but a certainty, and it’s all your own fault.

Not only does negative self-talk affect our confidence, but our inner gaslighter mode can also make us more vulnerable to people who gaslight, too.

Let me be clear: being gaslighted is never your fault. However, having your own extremely loud inner critic can make you more likely to believe the manipulative narratives being driven by the gaslighter. Because if you already belittle or dismiss your own concerns or feelings, it makes it even easier for another person to do it to you.

“Whatever you’re thinking inside, others will pick up on this and reflect it back at you,” agrees Dr Turner. “If you feel bad about yourself, others will unconsciously sense this and use it against you. Sometimes they don’t even mean to, and other times someone with an inner gaslighter will attract abusive or even narcissistic relationships.”

Put simply, if you’re already putting your needs and feelings last, if you already don’t believe in yourself, it makes it all the easier for someone else to tap into those feelings and amplify them.

How your ‘inner gaslighter mode’ is subtly harming your mental health